Last Updated:
Jun 3rd, 2005 - 10:52:06
 

By Brian Caniglia
Author of The DateSTACKER Program
May 3, 2005, 20:09

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On first dates conversation can be uncomfortably slow at times. You don't know much about the person and you have no history with them so it can be difficult to find things to talk about. Add a little bit of nervousness and tension to the situation and things are downright awkward.

This article will give you a few ideas to help you start great conversations on a date with people that you may not know very well.

But first, it's important to understand a few things about socializing on dates.

People like to talk about themselves! Most of us would rather talk about our life than listen to someone else talk about theirs. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just human nature. With that in mind the conversation starters I give you later in this article purposely focus the conversation on the other person.

It's a good idea to keep all conversation positive--never bring up negative things like death. It's also wise to avoid controversial subjects like religion, politics, and abortion until you get to know the person better.

Try desperately to keep away from all "canned" conversations like, "So, what do you do?" or, "Where are you from?" This stuff is important to know later on (maybe the second or third date) but it makes you seem dull and unoriginal... not the kind of image you want to portray on the first date.

Here are some good conversation starters that focus the conversation on the other person:

>>> "Have any pets?"

This should start up a lively conversation because people LOVE their pets and LOVE talking about them even more. If they don't have any pets then just move on to something else. Or, you could ask, "Really? Why not?"

>>> "Where did you get that _______?"

Ask them about a specific piece of jewelry or clothing. This conversation starter works particularly well with a really unique piece of jewelry or clothing... something they might be interested in telling the story behind.

>>> "Have you ever ________?"

Ask about something that you are knowledgeable about or enjoy doing. This is a good way to find out if you have common ground. If they do have that interest in common with you then you will have plenty to talk about. If they don't have that interest then just say, "Oh, I see." They will ask, "Why do ask, have you?" Then answer honestly but don't brag and don't go on about it for too long--just move onto something else.

>>> "Do you like sports?"

Men AND women are passionate about sports and all enthusiasts enjoy talking about them. Who knows, you both may enjoy the same sport... why not buy tickets and go to a game for your next date?

>>> "Have you ever been to ________?"

Ask them if they have ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, restaurant, or amusement park. If they HAVEN'T been there then this is a great way to get a second date... "You haven't been? You don't know what you are missing out on, we have GOT to go..."

All of these conversation starters are centered around topics that have the potential for interesting and exciting conversation.

If you really have trouble with keeping conversation going it may be a good idea to go out on a group date with another couple. This will take most of the pressure off of you two so conversation will flow more easily and naturally.

Good luck. And remember, your date wants to respect you-- don't make it hard for them!

Brian Caniglia
Author of The DateSTACKER Program

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