Last Updated:
Jun 10th, 2005 - 10:26:29
 

By R. Don Steele
Jun 10, 2005, 14:10

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Find Her. Where do you find women right now? At work, in bars, attending classes, through friends, at parties and sometimes in the most unexpected places, like the post office. You find young women in the same places! No shit, you say. Well, everywhere except bars. Forget them, much more later.

My point is, finding her is not a big part of this problem. You have the primary resource to solve it sitting on top of your neck, your big head, not to be confused with your little head, which often prevents a solution to any part of this problem.

Meet Her. It's no different from meeting a woman. You introduce yourself, someone introduces you or she introduces herself. You have nearly all the skills and resources right now. This part of the problem is solved with only your big head, some chutzpa and learning a few techniques. But that's after, only after, you understand her, what she wants from you and what she's afraid of.

Talk With Her. Look closely at this one. It is made up of two tasks. Task A is delivering an opening line that won't make her laugh at you or scare her away. For Christ's sake, don't use any from How to Pick Up Girls, okay? Task B is sustaining the conversation long enough for her to realize you are (a) safe (b) interesting and (c) attractive.

ESSENCE OF THE PROBLEM. The substance, the essential difference, the core, or, to put it more succinctly, the entire god damned thing comes down to Task B with its four sub-tasks.

Sustained Contact. You have to talk with her for a minimum of four or five minutes. At this point you don't know much about talking with anyone under 25. You don't yet have the ability to carry on a conversation she can, like, relate to. You know, like, on her level. Simple, you know, like friendly, relaxed, you know, like, well, totally casual. No, they're not all air heads or valley girls. But "casual" is what every last one of them needs to realize you're not dangerous. She is afraid you might be physically dangerous as well as socially and emotionally dangerous.

Physical Danger. She thinks you could be the Night Stalker's brother or a dirty old man trying to cop a feel. Being relaxed and friendly makes it possible for her to see you're safe. You do this with women. Young women just take longer.

But it isn't how much longer it takes her. The real problem is your lust, your excitement, your impatience, your lack of confidence, your fear of rejection. These combine, causing you to radiate bad vibrations. She picks them up and thinks you could be very dangerous, at which point she says, "Later, old man," with or without words.

Social Danger. You'll soon learn how to control yourself and your emotions when talking with her. Then you must figure out how to calm her fear of the threat you pose to her socially. In simple English, you learn how to not be direct or obvious. You have to be casual enough so she doesn't have to worry her friends, peers, and possibly her boyfriend, will ridicule or reject her if she's seen talking with you.

The problem is not her fear, it's you but not your emotions. You haven't mastered the art of being casual. It is not necessary, often counterproductive, to use a slow easy approach with women. If you aren't casual when talking with a woman in front of her friends, she's not worried, "He was trying to pick me up. So what?"

A young woman's not only worried about being seen talking with you. She has far more to lose by dating you. If her friends find out she will be ostracized. No young man in her circles will consider her as a wife, feeling she is used merchandise, some old man's cast off. The way our world works people only smirk about you but they strongly condemn her, calling her sick, a gold digger, promiscuous or a slut. With patience, her view of you as socially dangerous can be transformed into the realization you are discreet, subtle and sensitive to her situation.

Emotional Danger. She thinks you're so powerful, so knowledgeable, you will be able to sexually use her, then discard her. This is her biggest fear. Although this sounds impossible to overcome, it isn't. I spend fewer pages on this than the others. Trial and error, mostly error, will teach you what to do.

INTERESTING AND ATTRACTING HER. I don't mean to be glib but after you know how to deal with her fears you only have to be yourself. Of course you have to look like someone she'd like to talk with but that's all explained. Then you have to religiously follow the Ten Commandments Of Meeting and the Eleven Commandments Of Courtship. You must also have "Answers To Inevitable Questions" down pat. At that point you only have to get up, dust yourself off and get back on every time you get thrown. Like Paul Hornung said, "Practice, practice, practice."

THE PROBLEM CLEARLY RESTATED

She's afraid and you don't know how to put her at ease. There it is in one simple sentence. Some elaboration. The only difference between finding, meeting, talking with and dating a 37 year old and a 20 year old, is learning how to calm and neutralize the younger woman's far more intense fear of the consequences. To do that, you must Understand Her.

Helpful hint: If you didn't take time to read the Foreword, take a moment before you continue. It sets the stage so you can learn more, and remember it much more easily.

The only person more confused about life than an adolescent female is a middle aged man. UNKNOWN WISE PERSON

Understand Her

I describe the unsettled life and troubled times of the typical 20 year old who can become interested in dating an older man. When you understand her you only need to know, on average, younger ones are worse in every way, better in none. The older ones are better in every way, worse in none.

Double the general disarray of this 20 year old's life for a 19 year old. Quadruple it for an 18 year old. If she's still in high school, multiply by ten.

For each year past 21 her problem is reduced by twenty five percent. A 23 year old living away from home has eliminated two thirds of the 20 year old's negative situation, if she has no kids. With even one, her problems are twenty times greater than any 18 year old's.

A couple of years out of high school her old world falls apart. Friends move away or marry and have kids, others stay at college all year. She's standing with one foot in the teen age world, the other in the adult world, at 20.

However, a female of 22 retains all the good qualities of being young but has discarded most of the baggage and burdens of youth. With her enlarged sense of self she's much simpler to deal with, requiring far less time and energy on your part initially and throughout the affair. But, I had to find out for myself about 18 year olds. You will too, probably.

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